Déjà vu
by ChatduNoir
Summary: They say you always meet a person twice in the course of your lifetime. What happens when that person brings back memories and secrets you had worked a lifetime to forget? Things you wished would stay hidden forever... Addex eventually
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Grey's Anatomy and no infringement is intended.

This is my first Grey's fic so I hope you all like it! Started writing this at the very beginning of season 3 so I'm not taking into account everything that's happened so far, but trying to stay true to the general relationships on the show. Enjoy reading!!!!!

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She tried and failed to conceal a yawn as she shut her locker after a 20 hour shift. She couldn't remember ever feeling this tired. She didn't know whether or not it was the divorce or all the drama going on around her which she invariably felt herself sucked into- she was just completely wrecked. 

She winced as she pulled on her Prada pumps and cursed for deciding on these shoes on her way in to work. However, if there was one thing that made her feel good it was her designer shoes. They were like comfort food to her, which reminded her- she needed to eat.

She was on her way through the door out of the locker rooms when she bumped into Alex.

'Dr. Montgomery- sorry I didn't see you.' He made eye contact then quickly looked away; he couldn't help but be jittery around her.

'Alex, Karev- don't worry.' Addison replied half in surprise and embarrassment. She had been completely lost in her own world.

They both moved at exactly the same time again, the collision squashing them together in the doorframe. None of spoke, let out a breath- anything, the locker room was filled with complete silence.Addison was the first to break it.

'Karev, you're on my foot,' she managed to force out as pain shot through her toe.

'God, I'm so sorry, here let me help you.' Alex bent down the same time Addison picked up her foot to examine her toe, in turn whacking her foot into his chin.

'Ah!' Alex fell back in pain as he clutched his face.

'Alex, oh no- I'm so, so sorry!' Addison frantically knelt down next to him and instinctively cupped his face with her hand and with the other tried to examine the extent of damage she had inflicted.

Alex who had a second ago been in pain, was however with Addison stroking his face, hers so very close to his that if he just lent forwards a little more their lips would connect, finding himself transfixed staring at her face scrunched up in worry and concentration.

'Well- good news is there doesn't seem to be any substantial damage.' Addison joked as she examined his face, failing to notice his expression. She slowly let her fingers slide off it, brushing his skin softly in the process.

'What?' She asked self-consciously when she caugh Alex staring at her.

'Nothing, it's just that-' That what Karev? 'It's just that you're so beautiful. It's just that I want to kiss you.' Alex didn't really know how to finish that sentence without full on hitting on his superior right then and there.

Addison held his gaze waiting for an answer she didn't really need. She felt her eyes flutter close. She felt Alex's hand slowly come to rest on her cheek. She felt his breath play softly on her lips. She knew she couldn't do this.

'So anyways, I'll see you tomorrow- or later today rather, or yeah, you get the point.' Addison spoke as she abruptly got up, straightening her tight pencil skirt at the same time.

Addison spoke as she got up abruptly, straightening her tight pencil skirt at the same time. Way to sound like the grownup here instead of the awkward teenager Addison mentally chastised herself.

'Good night Karev.' She said with a curt, what she hoped was a very professional nod back at the dejected intern.

'Night.' Alex spoke long after she had gone. Damn, why had he moved so fast? It was just like him. But then again, he hadn't been the only one making a move. She certainly didn't protest and she surprisingly didn't slap him. It had been something there whether she was willing to admit it or not. So much for not making things awkward. He'd talk to her tomorrow. That was the only way.

* * *

Addison let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as she exited the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital. That, had been way too close, _that_- could never happen again. Fair enough, she had been flirting with Alex and thoroughly enjoying it over the past few weeks, but that was all it was. That moment there was crossing that clearly drawn line. One thing was flirting, another was actually consummating it by kissing. For god sake, there were enough interns screwing attendings around this hospital without her adding another to the tally. 

Addison shivered slightly as she stepped out into the cold Seattle night. The sky was dotted with glittering stars, casting a dull shimmer over the streets. It really was a beautiful night. Addison needed time to reflect, to think and decided she'd walk the short distance to her five star hotel where the majority of Seattle Grace hospital seemed to be residing.

Passing the park right by her hotel she was startled by a sudden movement in the bush close to her, but didn't have time to react suddenly feeling a stab in her back and a putrid breath on her neck. She immediately stiffened, her blood freezing in her veins.

'Don't move, don't scream I have a gun. One wrong move and I won't hesitate to blow your fucking head off.'

Addison's heart was throbbing at the base of her throat, but she tried to keep her head cool, eyes darting wildly around looking for an escape.

'Listen, I have cash- a lot of it on me. It's in my bag- please just take it. I haven't seen you, I won't tell the police, please just take anything you want.' Addison stammered, trying to keep her voice under control.

All the figure did behind her was sneer.

'Ah, well isn't that nice. Trust me babe- you can't buy what I want.' He started moving her in the direction of the park. 'Now come with me. Remember, one scream and BANG!'

Addison jumped at his last words and felt the blood drain from her as she was being dragged further and further into an unlit area of the park.

'Please, please- don't kill me, please, I'll do anything, just don't…'

'Shut the _fuck_ up.' He hissed, faced pressed into her neck.

Addison swallowed a scream as he pointed the cool metal to her temple. He ripped open her coat in one brutal move, the buttons making dull thuds as they scattered across the ground and then brutally threw her down.

She lay there terrified on the cold the dirt refusing to look at him, but could still feel him staring down at her, looming over her like a tower.

He bent down before he mounted her, effectively pinning her to the ground and suddenly his hands were moving all over her body.

She tried to move frantically beneath him to no effect. All he had to do was hold up the gun to make her lifeless like a rag doll beneath him. Powerless, recognizing defeat, she forced back scream when his hands went under her skirt- under everything.

'Please- .' She looked up at him imploringly her eyes filling with tears. All he did was sneer.

He tore her shirt open- yanked her skirt down, everything else came off with it.

His hands were cold as they travelled up the inside of her thighs. His hard and jagged actions hurt, yet she didn't scream, not anymore. Only one renegade tear made a salty trail down her cheek.

As he unzipped his pants, as she felt his full weight on her and saw his leering face swimming in and out of focus before her, all she could think was- this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening- again.

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**AN: Rave, rant or review, any feedback is greatly appreciated! Please let me know if there are any inconsistensies, ideas for what you would like to happen, but most importantly- whether or not you liked it! Til next chapter... :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters- i know, I'm as gutted as you are;)

**AN: **Thank you all so, so, so much for all your wonderful reviews! They truly made my week so keep them comming. I know it's still about angsty, but its not like you can just sweep what happened under the carpet. I promise though, next chapters much more Addisex and many more twists;)! Enjoy and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all of you!

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It's funny the things you remember Addison thought as she sat on her shower floor. After last night she couldn't remember how she got home, where her clothes were, just remember her biggest concern in the world being her broken Prada heels. Stumbling out of the park one had got caught in a crack and broke, twisting her ankle in the process.

She watched the water run slowly down her bruised body. She couldn't feel it though. There had been blood too. She was a doctor, she knew her own diagnosis – internal damage to the tissue.

She looked at her swollen ankle which had turned a slight shade of purple. It really was a shame about those heels Addison though as she tried to get up. Putting her weight on her bad ankle the pain hit her full force, agony shooting like electric shock through her leg and she slid down the shower wall defeated.

With cry of anguish and frustration she braced herself as she attempted to stand yet again. She stumbled and fell onto the cold bathroom tiles. She caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror of the hotel. Naked, battered, torn, broken- tainted. It was all it took for Addison to finally loose it. She felt the tears push their way forwards but they wouldn't fall. She tried to scream but no sound came as if she was too scared to make herself heard. She flailed her arms, grabbing her robe. She wrapped herself in it and rolled into a tight ball, falling into darkness on the cold floor.

- - - - - -

Addison opened her eyes. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep. All she knew was that her body ached and she didn't know why. The blissful unawareness of her reality was short lived as the memories from last night suddenly came flooding back like a cold torrent of water sending chilling waves down her body. It hadn't been a nightmare, it wasn't all a dream, but she could pretend. It had worked for so long, no point facing reality now. If she could make believe hard enough it never happened, one day she'd wake up and it would be true.

She got up slowly, bracing herself on the sink. She limped out into the room. Miraculously, the swelling in her ankle seemed to have gone down a bit.

Ok then, back to work- work would keep her busy. She went over to her closet and examined the array of designer clothes. She chose her favourite outfit- green, one that brought out the colour in her eyes. This particular outfit always made her feel incredibly sexy and confident. However, examining herself in the mirror _now_ she couldn't look at herself, the sight of her own reflection disgusted her. She whipped around, grabbing her bag and slammed the hotel door behind her before the walls of her room closed in on her.

- - - - - -

Entering the hospital Addison felt out of place, this wasn't like her. She felt like she belonged with the casualties. How could she fix someone when she was so broken inside? She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt two hands quickly rest on her waist and a face peered over her shoulder.

'Doctor Montgomery.' Alex had decided that in order to get anywhere, he was going to act as he felt and see where she would stop him.

'Jesus, Karev what on earth do you think you're doing?'

In just that fraction of a second Addison was transported back to yesterday: back to that night many years ago. The memories had been stirring, dormant under the surface all along and last night had brought them back to life.

Her reaction, threw Alex for a loop. That wasn't exactly the response he had been expecting. The physicality was closer than necessary, but not enough to be deemed unprofessional.

'I, I, I just came to see how you were doing, that's all,' he stammered in response.

'Well don't.' Addison snapped as she stalked off without as much as looking at him, leaving Alex angry and confused in her wake.

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**AN: Rant, rave or review! As always, any feeback good or bad makes my day! Til next chapter... :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters cries

**AN:** THANK YOU so much to all of you who reviewed this story so far! You truly, truly rock! Sorry about the long wait since last update, but I've had crazy amounts of work this week, but that only means that you'll get the next chapter quicker. **Sunshine Silverjojo** and anyone else who is wondering, it will become apparent throughout the chapters why Addison is dealing with everything (or not dealing?) the way she is, so please bear with me! I hope you all enjoy the chapter, a bit more lighthearted to give you guys a break!!!! -x-

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Addison shut the door to the locker rooms quickly and rested her back against it panting. 

'Get a hold of yourself', she thought as she unsuccessfully tried to calm her breath.

Once her heart rate had slowed down and her breathing was gradually returning back to normal she went to pull on her white lab coat; her armour. This made her feel more confident. She could dress and act the part as the confident doctor and not dwell on the sad person inside. She inhaled deeply and headed out the door moulding her features into a look of fake confidence, 'ready' to face the world.

- - - - - -

There were no major surgeries throughout the day and Addison unhappily found herself left to her own devices, which was specifically _not_ what she had wanted. This gave her too much time to think, too much time for unwanted thoughts to force their way into her mind.

Alex had been observing her all day walking around like a lost child. He still felt the sting of rejection from this morning but was debating going to talk to her as she stood alone by the nurses station- that was until Sloan walked up to her.

He watched the conversation and could see Addison's stand-offsish posture, the frown on her face. He felt his fist ball up and had to use all of his self-constraint not to run over there and deck Sloan. He was spared continuing to fight with himself when his pager suddenly went off.

- - - - - -

'Hi.' His voice was husky and seductive.

Addison glanced up from her chart and into Mark's face and immediately felt her stomach drop. Mark was the last person she wanted to deal with today.

'Hi.' She replied curtly and determinately stared down at her chart willing him to go away if she just ignored him long enough.

'You know I was thinking. It's been quite some time since you and I-' he slid closer, 'you know.' He had a smug smirk plastered on his face. He increased the proximity, leaning into her and almost whispered, 'How about _you _return the favour this time and I come over later tonight.'

Addison looked at him in disgust but was spared the task of answering before the loud beep of her pager interrupted the 'moment' and she rushed off to see her incoming patient. She did so without a backwards glance at Mark.

- - - - - -

'What do we have?' Addison demanded to no one in particular whilst rushing into the room.

'Katie Miller, age 26, premature labour,' Alex answered dutifully.

'By how much?' Addison didn't have time to think about that it was Alex in the room after her behaviour earlier, her mind focused solely on her patient and her baby.

'2 months.' Alex answered again, but this time with a question in his voice. Was the baby going to live?

'Mother has also recently been diagnosed with early stage ovarian cancer.' Alex added though he would rather not have. The odds were already slim enough as they were.

Addison winced internally but tried not to let the worry show on her face. This was going to be a tough one the mother being as weak as she was.

'Ok, OR now! Karev, you're in.' Addison ordered as she rushed off after her patient, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her.

Alex didn't need asking twice and followed suit.

- - - - - -

The steady beep of the monitors was the only sound that filled the room as Alex and Addison stood in silence, lingering over the young girl fighting for her life in the incubator hours later.

'Is she gonna be OK?' Alex asked concerned.

'I honestly don't know. It's too early to tell at this point.' Addison sighed. She always hated this part. The uncertainty. The part where she could do nothing but wait.

The surgery had helped put her back on track and already she felt better. The room descended into silence once more.

Alex opened his mouth to speak again. He had completely slipped up during surgery when Addison had told him to make an incision into the young baby's heart. He couldn't do it. She could though.

'That one thing you did there, I can't even explain how amazing that was. I just completely froze up.' Alex shuddered slightly with humiliation and relief that Addison had jumped in to save him.

Addison looked up. 'It's all a learning curve. Don't worry about it Karev.' She placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

Alex shuddered at this small touch and it was all he needed to find all his emotions flooding back.

'Dr. Montgomery?'

'Yes?' Addison had returned to look at the baby.

'This morning,' Alex paused unsure of how to proceed.

Addison jolted. This morning. She felt herself fill fast with regret at the way she had yelled at Alex.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I was, well, _distracted_.' Addison chose her words carefully, deliberately.

'Distracted?' Alex looked at her questioningly waiting for more information, but none came.

'Yeah, distracted,' she concluded, closing down the subject.

An awkward silence filled the room. Alex didn't know if he felt more reassured, the fact that she wasn't specifically mad at him, yet there was something wrong and he didn't like it.

'Sorry if I'm out of place here, but you've seemed kind of 'distracted' all day. Everything OK?'

Addison hesitated, unsure of how to answer. She was touched by his seemingly genuine concern, yet she didn't want to know what to say without giving anything away.

'I'm just tired that's all. Too much overtime.' She hoped she sounded sincere. If Alex didn't believe her he didn't say.

'I know the feeling. A lot of the time I don't even know if I'm awake or if I'm sleeping.'

Addison knew exactly what he meant. Ever since-. Addison almost had to laugh bitterly at the irony. Once again her life was being divided into a 'before' and an 'after.'

'Well it's nothing the rush of a good surgery can't fix.' Addison joked, but without any energy in it she realized how fake it sounded.

Alex tried to smile, but couldn't quite hide his disappointment that he knew she wasn't telling him something. Wanting to say something right, something to make her feel better, Alex said the first thing that came to his mind.

'Well, if you ever need me to _de_-distract you, just let me know.'

'De-distract?' Addison quirked an eyebrow and eyed the intern amused.

Alex prayed he wasn't turning red. If there ever was a time to redeem his manhood this was.

'Yeah, de-' he closed the small gap between them in one step, 'distract you.' He felt his hand move to where her one was hanging loosely by her side, the other holding a chart. He played his fingers softly over hers. He was half expecting her to slap him, to yell like this morning, but no such reaction came.

'Anything else you need me to do, Dr. Montgomery?' His voice was smooth, warm and it melted her. His forehead was bent low, almost touching hers.

Addison could feel the heat radiate off him, his breath tickle her lips and was surprised to find her breath come out in short bursts. Alex was doing this on purpose and it was having the desired effect.

'No, Karev, but thank you. I will let you know if the situation with Katie or the baby, ch, changes.' Addison blurted out the last words, everything a jumble in her mind.

She needed to leave, to leave before she let herself do something stupid. Alex made her feel good, too good because she wasn't good, she wasn't herself right now- not anymore. She took a step back from him and turned and walked slowly to the door. Losing contact with his hands was nothing short of painful and she had to force herself not to run back into his arms.

Alex felt disappointment wash over his body as his fingers slid off hers.

'But Karev?' Addison turned suddenly. She felt the need to express her gratitude for cheering her up. However small a gesture, he had made her feel slightly normal again, a little less numb.

'Yeah?' Alex looked at her hopefully.

'I'll let you know if I ever need any de-distracting.' Addison felt a jolt inside. Had she meant it to sound so much like a proposition? She wasn't sure. She just smiled to avoid any response from Alex and quickly exited the room.

Alex felt the butterflies rise fast in his stomach. Was she asking him what he thought she was? Was that smile a little more mischievous than necessary. He turned around to face the incubators again.

'_De_-distract?' Alex said out loud, physically hitting himself repeatedly on the forehead.

He looked down at the incubator, at the tiny girl lying there.

'Now when you grow up to be nice and strong; to be the gorgeous girl I know you will be- give the guys a break now and then will you? It ain't always easy.'

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**AN: Rave, rant and REVIEW! Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Til the next one... :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

**Disclaimer: **See first chapter.

**AN:** To those of you who reviewed **THANK YOU**!!!! If there is anything you guys want to see in the story, tell me. It's really the only way I can improve it and I'm always open to suggestions. Í hope you enjoy the chapter!!!! -x-

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Addison didn't know how she made it through the following days. Everything was a blur to her. She was working like crazy to keep herself from thinking about what had happened, resulting in a fatigue like she had never felt before. However, she refused to sleep as those times were only filled with nightmares that had her wake up shivering and crying. It was a vicious circle, but rather awake and tired than sleeping and scared she thought to herself. 

'Coffee?'

Addison stopped in her tracks startled by the voice that had suddenly penetrated her thoughts and looked up from the chart she was carrying. Alex was standing with a cup of coffee stretched out to her.

'Why?' Addison asked dumfounded.

'Well, you've been walking around here like a zombie for days now and I'm scared if you don't get some caffeine in you, you might actually drop dead.'

Addison considered it, dropping dead did actually seem quite appealing. Had she really been walking around like that? Was she that transparent? Yet, she was touched someone actually had noticed her and genuinely seemed to care.

'Thanks you really know how to flatter a woman.' Addison answered dryly, deciding to go for humour rather than honesty. She could barely keep up lying to herself. If she let on anything was wrong to anyone else, she knew she would fall to pieces.

'Well I try.' Alex quipped back and playfully nudged her.

'Do I really look that terrible?' Addison failed to keep the seriousness out of her voice.

He leant in closer to her and said in a slightly lowered voice, 'Trust me, _you_ could never look terrible.' Alex meant it and the compliments were all part of his newly resumed battle to win Addison over.

Addison didn't know how to respond, but half smiled embarrassedly whilst mumbling something of an intelligible protest into her newly received coffee.

However, now serious Alex looked directly at her. 'You just don't seem like yourself that's all. Like you're here but you're not.' He didn't know if he was pushing it too far. He was genuinely worried, she was so on edge at all times. At the very least there was _something_ bothering her. However, neither had time to speak as Addison's pager went off again.

'Emergency, its Katie's baby.' Addison set off down the hallway with Alex at her heels.

- - - - - -

Addison emerged out of surgery hours later exhausted and shaking. The underdeveloped baby had just survived. Just. Her life now hung in a very thin balance and the chances of survival were slim. Very slim. Organ failure was something she could do nothing to prevent and she felt so useless. Katie herself was still resting from the complications of her own surgery from cancer treatment and she was dreading having to inform her of this on top of everything else.

She decided to check on the baby before she made her next move, just to make sure. She felt more useful that way because honestly, right now she didn't know what to do with herself.

Addison entered the dim room with the incubators. She went up to the one and placed her palm on the glass, her hand almost as big as the tiny child's entire body. She felt all the emotions she was keeping pent up threatening to take over. She scrunched up her face willing the tears to stay in, to screw the cap tight back on the bottle of emotions whose content was threatening to spill over.

Alex stood in the doorway and observed her struggle. He was hit with an overwhelming need to do something. He didn't know whether or not to approach.

'It's ok you know. To cry,' he said trying to invoke some sort of reaction that would release any of the emotions she was not letting out.

Addison whipped around angry. She didn't know he had been standing there and felt humiliation spread over her at the fact that he was seeing her like this.

'Really Karev? Well thank you for telling me what I can and cannot do.'

Alex laughed to himself. It seemed that perhaps the fiery Addison who had enlisted him to her squad was returning with a little provocation and he was keen to see more of that woman. Suppressing a smirk, however misreading her tone he said, 'you're so full of it.'

Addison was not in the mood for Alex's sarcasm right now. 'Excuse me, may I remind you that I am your attending here,' she snarled.

Alex didn't know what was wrong with her lately, but felt himself get angry at her constant change of emotions which she more often than not it seemed, let out on him.

'This has nothing to do with work and you know it. I'm just saying it's ok.' Alex retorted.

'What is it with you. You just have this way of-.' Addison fumbled to find the right words.

'Being right.' Alex filled in unable to stop himself.

Addison felt herself snap.

'See, that's what I mean, _that_ is the problem. You don't respect me- or anyone for that matter. Mr Hotshot you think you know it all.' Addison's voice trembled as she tried not to cry.

'What?' Out of all the responses he had in mind, that was not one of them and her hurt truly took him aback.

'Maybe I have a less brazen, less self glorifying way of showing it than you, but I do know my stuff. _I_ am the best and _I_ am the teacher here- _not_ you!' Addison yelled more to convince herself than him.

Is that what she thought, that he didn't respect her? All he had been trying to do was get more personal, but he was now given another glimpse to the Addison behind the wall, the insecure woman she obviously tried to keep hidden from the rest of the world. Of all the things he ever wanted to make Addison feel, this was _not_ one of them. He approached her, his words the most sincere he could remember saying.

'Everyday around you, trust me, I am reminded of how little I know. With Sloan and plastics, even general- I felt like I could do anything. But with this,' Alex gestured to the incubator, 'there is not one moment where I don't second guess my decision, that I don't need your approval, your guidance.' Alex looked at her sincerely.

'As for respect,' Alex stepped closer to her, 'what kind of self-appreciating manly man as myself would be doing gynie, by _request_ I add, if he didn't have respect for the subject, if I didn't have respect for you.'

Addison could feel her anger slowly drain out of her as his speech went on. His words penetrated her skin and warmed her just a little inside. It felt good to know someone needed her. His hand came to rest close to hers on the incubator and she lowered her gaze to it.

'It's amazing how something so infinitesimal can turn into something so real when you just give it a shot.'

'Yeah.' Addison replied weakly looking down on the small infant who was fighting with every ounce of her strength.

'That what no one else saw as a fighting chance, you did, you went for it and now look. You had a gut feeling and you did it.'

Addison took the eyes off the baby and placed tem on the intern. He had been looking at _her_ the entire time.

'If you're just willing to give it a go.' Alex added half statement, half propositioning, stared directly at her and moved one finger to rest on hers.

Addison felt a mind blanket descend on her. She couldn't think and she needed to come up with a response fast. She needed to be professional, that is ultimately what it came down to. In her profession she was the best, she was flawless. It was once her personal life infiltrated her professional life like now, that perfect veneer started cracking. If she didn't have her career, she would have nothing, no reason why people should pay her even the slightest bit of attention. She needed to preserve that professionalism even if it meant ignoring feelings that were traitorously steering her mind in other directions.

Addison stared down at their hands, her mind racing. She didn't want to, but she knew she had to.

'Sometimes, most of the time, what the signs are telling you is right. Sometimes it's fighting a loosing battle.' She took her hand off the incubator, loosing contact with Alex's. She turned and left the room her stomach in knots. If they were never even together, how come this felt so much like a break-up?

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**AN: Rave, rant or REVIEW! Any feedback is greatly appreciated. As always, hope you enjoyed it! Til next chapter... :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer:** See first chapter

**AN:** THANK YOU so much to those of you who reviewed. Feel like I got a little groupd of 'followers' n I'm loving it:)! Sorry it took a while for this update but I actually had to do some more writing to this story to find out where I'm taking it, but if you have any particular things you want included then just let me know. This is just a set up chapter before the Addi(sex?) ;) so stay tuned. Hope you all enjoy it! -x-

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Alex and Addison danced awkwardly around each other for the next week or so. Addison avoided him at all costs whenever she saw him approaching. She knew it wasn't fair on him but she really couldn't deal with it right now. She was weak, vulnerable and he would break her in a second. She was scared of how far she would let herself go once she had let him under her skin. 

On a 'positive' note, her days were becoming increasingly more hectic and she seemed to be handling more cases than she could ever remember. Walking into an examination room to meet a new patient she was always filled with a new sense of fulfilment that she would be able to help someone. Addison felt she was beyond repair, however Alex made her think maybe, just maybe there was still hope.

She walked into an exam room, ready for a fresh challenge. She was surprised when she saw every intern save Dr. O'Malley and Alex crowded inside in the examination room.

"To what do I owe this honour of every female intern at Seattle Grace? Is it really so slow today or are you all just dying to be here." Addison said dryly without any pretence of any of them particularly thrilled to be assigned to her service.

She eyed each intern standing almost huddled in the corner of the room, the tension between her and them palpable.

Addison examined Izzie's usual hardened look, Yang's face not even trying to hide her dissatisfaction at being assigned to something she obviously thought was a waste of time. Then there was Meredith- looking down avoiding her gaze but clearly rolling her eyes.

Addison liked the familiarity of letting her eyes rest on Alex which always filled her with a sense of comfort and she realized she missed it. She wondered where he was. She knew _he_ would not be making faces the moment she turned her back.

She turned around, but before she had a time to greet her patient she caught the barely-audible 'bitch' that escaped Izzie's lips. It caught Addison off guard. She never knew Izzie had something personal against her and it hurt. Was it her friendship with Callie or something else that had suddenly put her back on the blonde's hate list?

'Hard-faced bitch.' She knew that's what most people thought when they met her. Her outward appearance was that nothing bothered her. Under her adult veneer, beneath her confidence and great job and ability to sleep with good-looking men, beat the heart of a terrified girl.

Addison swallowed, her heart palpitating like she was about to confront the entire popular clique in high school. She swivelled around to face the girls, 'Anything you would like to tell me Dr. Stevens.'

'No.' Her voice dripped with sarcasm, but she seemed suitably shameful at being overheard and was clearly embarrassed, a reddish tinge spreading over her face.

'Didn't think so.' Addison matched her in an icy tone. The room descended into an awkward silence. 'I have three interns, none of which seem to be capable of giving me a simple update.' Addison exclaimed exasperated.

'Um, Kayla Griffiths, age 14, abdominal cramping and dizziness and otherwise flue-like symptoms.' Yang was never the one who could resist a chance to contain her knowledge, regardless of her feelings for anyone.

Addison observed the young teenager in the hospital bed and the concerned dad hovering over her.

'Hi, I'm Dr. Montgomery.' She extended her hand to Mr. Griffith and then looked down at Kayla and smiled. The girl could barely smile back, nervousness entirely too obvious on her features.

Addison knew Kayla's symptoms well. She had seen them an unfortunate amount of times in teenage girls that came in and knew she would have to ask personal questions, questions she knew she would never get an honest answer to with her father present.

'Dr. Stevens, could you please take Mr. Griffith to the waiting room.'

'What, I'm not leaving!' He protested.

'Mr. Griffith, we are going to need to do some exams, some which are embarrassing enough for Kayla without having to have her father watching.' Addison smiled at Kayla.

'Don't worry, your daughter is in safe hands, the exams are nothing serious or too invasive.'

'Ok.' Mr. Griffith seemed to understand where Addison was going and now seemed a little desperate to get out of the room.

'Will you be OK sweetie?' He looked at his daughter for reassurance.

'I'll be fine.' She answered in a quiet voice.

Once Mr. Griffith had exited the room with Izzie and the door closed behind them, Kayla finally relaxed against the pillows.

Addison pulled up a chair next to Kayla's bed to lower her down to her level.

'No exam?' Kayla questioned.

'No, not yet.' Addison had never planned on performing any. 'I'm just going to ask some questions ok? I know, it's hard, but just answer them truthfully. We will find out if you don't and I'm not going to be mad ok, no matter what the answers are.'

'Ok.' Kayla seemed reassured.

'Have you had sex?' Addison begun, going through the mandatory checklist.

The girl didn't say anything. Addison took her hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly and repeated in a lower, gentle voice.

'I know it's hard, but you have to tell me ok?'

Kayla nodded and looked directly at Addison for the first time, her eyes starting to fill with tears.

'How long ago?' Addison hated pressing her when she was clearly upset.

'A, a month I think, a bit more maybe.' The girl responded, clearly trying to keep control of her emotions.

'Did you use contraception?'

Kayla broke down. Addison had suspected it. It was tragic really. She had been hoping that the symptoms were nothing, that she wasn't pregnant. She wanted to be sure though.

Just then Izzie entered the room again, a chart in hand.

'Her bloodwork,' she said simply, handing the chart to Addison with a concerned look at the young girl.

Addison glanced at the chart and inwardly sighed, receiving confirmation she really didn't need.

Kayla tried to say something but nothing coherent came out through her sobs.

'Just take your time, we have time. Do you want us to get your dad?' Addison questioned.

'NO!' Kayla managed to force out through the crying.

'Ok, ok, we won't, don't worry.' Addison placed a hand on her cheek and wiped away some of the tears that were spilling down them.

After a few minutes of crying, Kayla's breath slowly steadied and she gained control of her voice. 'An exam.'

'What?' Addison didn't catch the feeble voice.

'An exam, I want an exam.' Her voice was still shaky, but defiant.

'Ok.' Addison hadn't been planning on one, this was pretty standard, but decided not to push the issue. She was clearly upset and if an exam would make her feel before the hell that was bound to break loose when her father was informed of his daughter's predicament, that's what she'd get.

'Dr. Grey, could you please sit down next to her.' She figured of the two remaining women, Dr. Grey certainly had the best bedside manners.

'Just hold her hand ok?' Addison whispered to the other woman who nodded understandingly.

'Kayla, this might hurt a little but try to relax, I know it's hard.'

Addison warmed the speculum and glanced up to see Kayla's face scrunched up and her knuckles gripping white around Meredith's hand.

Doing the exam Addison felt her stomach sink, but she wanted to be sure. She finished the exam and sat down next to the girl, her mind full of questions she didn't know she wanted the answers to, but one, one she knew she had to ask.

'Kayla, did you want it?'

'I couldn't, I couldn't stop him.' Addison felt her heart break when the young girl's face split and she started sobbing again, this time unable to stop. Addison did the only thing she could think of and held her tight in her arms while she cried. This was an unusual measure of affection lost on none of the interns present.

- - - - - -

Addison exited Kayla's room in a hurry to avoid having to talk to anyone. She had excused herself and told Dr. Yang to hand the case over to the resident neonatal surgeon Dr. Hartman under the pretence of having to perform an urgent surgery.

She felt guilty for abandoning Kayla but she couldn't be on the case, it hit too close to home. She thought back to that time all those years ago and could do nothing but admire the courage Kayla had that she didn't, still.

She felt tears threatening to fall and she needed to get somewhere fast. The closest refuge was one of the locker rooms and she crashed through the doors praying no one was there. She collapsed onto a bench and put her head in her hands willing herself not to let the tears fall.

- - - - - -

Alex had seen her practically run out of the room, just having gotten back from the surprise of having been assigned to one of Sloan's actual surgeries and followed her. He quietly opened the locker room door met by the sight of Addison, normally the strongest woman around, huddled up and shaking on a bench.

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**AN: Rave, rant and REVIEW! Hope u guys liked it! Til next chapter... :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: **Please see first chapter

**AN:** **THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU** so much to all of those who reviewed- 'seriously.' You guys make the world go around- or mine at least... Can now tell you that you can expect updates twice a week so hopefully that makes you happy. Will stop babbeling now and let you get one with the much anticipated chapter;) Enjoy! -x-

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'Hey, are you alright?' Alex asked, tentatively coming up behind Addison and joining her on the bench a few seats away. 

Addison jumped slightly, startled at the intrusion. Embarrassedly she wiped away the few stray tears that had managed to escape and forced a smile on her lips before she turned around to face him.

'Yeah, I'm fine- seriously.' She added in an all too strained voice when Alex looked at her, clearly not buying her story.

'Well you see, the golden rule around here is that when someone says they're 'fine' and 'seriously-' don't believe a word of what they're saying.'

Addison just shot him a look.

'Seriously.' Alex added to make his point. This made Addison let out a small laugh. That one moment where her eyes crinkled and her lips parted slightly, made all the tension between them evaporate in a second.

The outside world, and even to an extent Derek, was taken by her outward appearance; the impenetrable, polished image that she diligently maintained. People truly believed she was cool and haughty, confident and capable. Alex seemed to understand her in a way no other man or any of her friends for that matter had been capable of. She felt like he could read her and despite making it hard to lie to him, sometimes also made it easier to open up.

'Well, I guess no, I'm not all that fine.' Addison admitted, suddenly overcome with an urge to tell Alex everything.

'Well you know what always makes me feel better when I'm sad?' Alex said as he scooted closer to her on the bench.

'What?' Addison looked at him questioningly.

'A hug.' Without warning he protectively pulled her to him, wrapping his arms in a strong grip around her. He only held her for a few seconds, yet in that time was acutely alert to how her hair tickled his chin, trying to capture her scent before he slowly let go. He knew he was rapidly overstepping the bounds, but the way they fit together- it was seamless.

'That help?' Alex questioned, suddenly aware of how one of his hands had somehow ended up on Addison's thigh when they broke apart.

All she could do was nod. Snuggled up against Alex her eyes had been closed, relishing the warmth and security radiating from his body.

'See I told you.' Alex smiled triumphantly.

'And you know this from experience?' Addison looked up at him with amused curiosity.

'Yes.' Alex replied in mock indignation. 'What, you don't believe me?'

'No, it's just that I never took you for the huggy type of guy.'

'Well, I guess I just have to find the right type of girl to bring that out in me.'

He didn't know what had made him say it. It just slipped out- betraying straight out how he truly felt. Silence lingered in the air after that statement like a thin string of kerosene that would burst into an a wall of flames if ignited by the slightest fire.

He looked at his hand still resting loosely on her thigh to her face, searching desperately to find some clue as to what he should do next. He had been the initiator but at his inadvertent admission of affection, he felt the bravado abandon him as soon as it had come and felt naked and exposed sitting in front of her.

But he didn't have time to think much longer. Addison suddenly turned to directly face him on the bench. She threw one leg over the other side of it and scooted closer to him. She was close. Very close.

Addison wasn't thinking. She brought her hand up to Alex's face, running it along the sculpted outline of his chin feeling the contours of it slip beneath her fingers, guiding her route like on a map, though already it felt strangely familiar. She wasn't thinking, she begged herself to slow down, but couldn't- this affection, she needed it. She ran her hands up the back of his neck and felt him shiver at her touch. She gently placed her forehead on his and looked at him, for the first time ever allowed herself to openly look at him, the feelings that flooded between them scaring and thrilling her at the same time.

He was staring so intently back into her eyes he almost found himself lost in them. He didn't know exactly what lurked beneath the glassy surface, something, he just couldn't pinpoint it. Lust? Desire surely? He decided not to dwell on it, but let his hands run down her back and pulled her closer to him, eliminating the gap between their two bodies. He felt her wrap her arms fully around him, pulling her chest against his.

As she lay against his chest, she could feel the rapid pounding of his heart beating like a drum against his it- a secret melody playing just for her.

Alex boldly let his arms slide down under her and lifted her up, placing her straddled over his lap. He licked his lips and slowly dipped low to place a trail of moist kisses on her neck.

Addison felt her knees go weak when she felt his lips pressing slowly on her sensitive neck and was glad she was already sitting. He sucked the skin lightly then bit it playfully, leaving a red and wet mark. This simple action seemed to waken a part of her that had been numb for so long. He continued the sensual assault on her neck and ran his hands up her thighs, around her, briefly over her ass, up her back, her shoulders, trailing his fingers softly down her arms and down to her thighs again coming full circle.

Shivers of pleasure coursed down her back and made her hair stand on end. Addison rocked slowly back and fourth on top of him and threw her head backwards so he could reach her neck better before she started her own exploring. She played with the hem of Alex's scrub top before letting her hands disappear underneath it, feeling the hard washboard of Alex's stomach beneath her fingers.

Alex groaned at her touch. Her cold hands contrasted with his hot flesh and the mix was like an electric current being placed on his stomach. He smirked to himself at the approval she showed by spending so much time running her hands up and down under his shirt.

He let his hands slide up between them, softly over her breasts and up to her neck. He carefully loosened the two top buttons of Addison's shirt. It was already low cut and he pushed the fabric aside to reveal the swell of her breasts which blushed under his gaze. He looked at the pale expanse of skin and buried his face in it, inhaling her sweet smell. He let his tongue play over her chest and relished the taste that almost melted on the tip of his tongue. He ran it along her collar bone which earned him a loud involuntary moan of pleasure from Addison.

"Alex," his name escaped her lips amongst her small intakes of breath which were becoming increasingly shallow. For Addison, it was like seeing colour again and she wanted to remember every single second.

He kissed his way up her neck again, pressed one on her jaw line, one deliberately on the side of her mouth, her lips parted in pleasure. She didn't move to kiss him back. Her eyes were closed and her she pressed her cheek against the side of his face breathing heavily, clutching him to her.

Alex let his hands get tangled in her hair, feeling her silk curls slip between his fingers. His hands slid to the side of her face and pulled hers towards his. He admired her, looking at Addison while he had her close. She stared back with an almost glazed look.

He felt himself draw closer to her, effortlessly as if bound by a strong magnetic pull and had to restrain himself to not crash his lips immediately onto hers. Her lips were swollen with anticipation and she kept her eyes trained on his until they were only millimetres apart. She could feel his breath play over her face as he struggled to keep control of it. They both leaned that little bit extra in, their movement tortuously slow and then finally- their lips brushed softly together, barely touching. Alex could feel the soft butterfly tickle of Addison's eyelashes as they fluttered shut against his cheeks.

Addison drew back slightly, the words she wanted to say caught like a brick in her throat. Instead she snaked an arm behind his neck to pull him in for a second kiss. It started out slow but grew in intensity. He ran his tongue over the seam of her mouth and she parted her lips willingly to let him in. Lips sucked, teeth nipped playfully, tongues explored. It was hot and their movement reflected it.

Alex was holding Addison tight now and they both pushed harder against each other as they kissed. Through the thin material of their scrubs, Addison could feel him pulsating, the heat radiating from him almost consuming her along with it.

One bead of sweat made its way down the side of his face, glinting like a diamond droplet. Addison captured it with her lips, tasting the salt. She ran her tongue along the side of his face and down to his neck. She started out with tender kisses, letting her hands run up and down the length of his thighs as she was doing so. She found a soft spot on his neck and sucked it hard. She could feel as Alex swallowed trying not to moan too loud. Her actions were pushing Alex over the edge and she didn't have much time before he yet again pulled her face to his and meshed his mouth against hers. His kiss was fierce, his stubble coarse against her smooth skin, almost animal. But there was also the tenderness, the way his hands caressed her, every touch slow and deliberate.

Alex slowly started to lean forwards, pushing Addison who was still on top of him down onto the benches. She felt her back make contact with the wood. He was pressing her to them, his torso between her legs, his breath no longer under his control.

Addison suddenly felt trapped. Alex however, let his hands run over her chest and found their way to her remaining shirt buttons and started loosening them one by one.

'Alex,'

'Mmm,' he mumbled into her skin.

'Alex, _please_.' Addison was shocked to find herself on the verge of tears.

Alex stopped abruptly at the sound of her voice.

'I'm sorry- too fast?' His voice was shaky, still unable to speak properly.

Addison felt utterly humiliated and childish at her reaction and decided she needed to cover herself-

'No it's just that- if anyone walked in.'

'We could go somewhere else if you like.' Alex said suggestively, smiling mischievously down at her and running a hand over her cheek.

'No,' she said it a little too forcefully. She pushed Alex's chest so he sat up and straightened herself.

'Addison, what's wrong? You know you can tell me right.' Alex looked at her sincerely, suddenly sobered.

'Can we just not talk about this right now?' Addison stood up, buttoning up her shirt and running a hand through her hair to tame it.

'Look, I have surgery in an hour- I'll see you later OK?' Addison turned around and made a hasty exit out of the room.

'Yeah, OK.' Alex sat behind confused and needles to say- quite frustrated, wondering if it had all been a dream. As quickly as it had begun, it was suddenly over. He touched his neck to be sure, still wet with the imprint of her kisses.

The funny thing was Alex thought- had this been any other woman, she really wouldn't have been worth waiting for, but with Addison he felt he could wait for as long as she needed. He was whipped and strangely liking it in a weird and twisted sort of way. But first thing first, he needed to release some ever mounting frustration after his clear new favourite locker room encounter.

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**Rave, rant or REVIEW! I hope it lived up to everyone's expectations. Til next chapter... :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: Please see first chapter… **

**AN: First off, I'd just like to apologize profusely for not updating for so long! I know I promised twice a week updates but I ran for the Uni elections (I got it too) and campaigning took over a week and now I finally have holidays and time to write again. Thank you for sticking with the story! **

**And of course, as always THANK YOU SO MUCH to all those of you who review!!!!!! You are absolutely amazing!!!!**Addicted1** mentioned they'd like to see Kayla again and I figured it would be a nice little chapter. More Alex in the comming chapters so don't worry;) The next will be a big one (update on Tuesday) so sit tight:)! ENJOY! -x- **

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Addison walked fast down the halls, away from the locker rooms a flush still colouring her cheeks. Her heart was pounding fast and she could still feel the echo of Alex's kisses on her neck. With the claustrophobia from the locker room fast fading the further she got away from it, Addison suddenly found herself regretting having left so suddenly. She could feel a rush surging through her body, one she had not felt in a long time and immediately knew the only person responsible for getting her so hot and bothered and the only one who could make it go away, was Alex. Thinking these thoughts, feeling like this, made Addison more positive that maybe, just maybe her life could go back to normal, whatever _that_ meant. Ever since moving to Seattle, the concept of 'normal' was something she was finding harder and harder to define. 

Addison was suddenly ripped out of her reverie when she felt bile threatening to rise in her throat and her vision blurred in and out of focus for a few seconds as dizziness controlled her. She steadied herself for a moment against the wall and swallowed hard. Was the overexcitement of the past fifteen minutes getting to her? Addison wasn't sure, but as soon as the feelings had come, they vanished and Addison walked on, just a little less energized.

- - - - - -

She took the elevator up to the NICU and walked brusquely towards her office, eager to avoid anyone that might need her. She needed some hard thinking time alone and her office was her only sanctuary in the midst of the madness that was Seattle Grace. That was the only thought running through her head, that was until she saw the girl from this morning- Kayla. A part of Addison was screaming for her to ignore her, not to go over, because it knew too well the emotional beating that would result from it. Another instinct, which despite her better judgment prevailed- was to go over and talk to her, she looked so lost.

Her feet were beyond her control and doing the walking for her and before she knew it she found herself sitting down next to the girl.

'Where's your dad?' Addison said the first thing that seemed natural.

'He's filling out some papers.' Kayla responded flatly.

A pathetic 'oh,' was all Addison could manage. An awkward silence filled the gap between the two, and Addison was fast regretting her impulse decision to come over, not being able to act like an adult and take charge of the situation. Her PhD did surprisingly little to aid her in situations like these.

'Thank you.' Kayla suddenly spoke feebly.

'For what?' Addison looked at the girl, unable to think of a reason why she would be thanking her after she outright abandoned her before.

'For earlier.' She must have been referring to the exams.

'I was just doing my job.' Addison regretted her choice of words when she saw Kayla flinch. The last thing she needed right now was to be seen as just another patient.

'What you did, it was the right decision to make.' Addison said, hoping to offer some sort of comfort, though she knew there was precious little anyone could do or say to make her feel better right now.

'Really?' Her voice was riddled with pain and disbelief, 'cause it doesn't feel that way. Now all my dad wants to know is who it was. Once I tell him, the police will be involved. Everyone at school will know and I bet half of them won't even believe me. I'm just gonna be pegged for another girl screaming for attention. I just don't want to be that girl who got, who got...' Kayla trailed off unable to continue.

Addison felt herself taken aback by her perception, her awareness of the situation and couldn't help but be filled with such strong admiration at how strong this girl was, despite her young age. Forced to grow up too fast. Addison sighed, feeling Kayla's pain.

Beside her Addison saw Kayla's face tight, willing the tears to stay in. She felt her chest constrict harder and harder until it was unbearable. She knew. She knew _exactly_ what Kayla was feeling because coming from her upper-class background, being _that_ girl was an unacceptable blotch on the perfect family history, a blow to the family honour from which it would not be possible to recover. It was one of the reasons why Addison had never found herself where Kayla was now. Addison didn't know even if things _hadn't_ been like that if she would have done anything different- she just didn't know.

'A friend of mine- the same thing happened to her.' Addison didn't know why, but she felt the need to open up, to try to offer some comfort and continued. 'She didn't say anything and she spent the rest of her life trying to forget, you know? It will be hard now, but trust me when I say this, _this_ is the hardest part, the first hurdle- and you seem strong, stronger than she ever was. I have a feeling you will make it through this.' Addison struggled to keep the pain from seeping into her voice but at the same time, finally speaking about it was strangely cathartic.

A minute of sitting in silence she felt a small hand cover her own. She looked down in surprise to find that it was Kayla's.

'It was you wasn't it?' Her voice was soft, barely a whisper.

Addison immediately felt a surge of adrenaline shoot quickly through her body, caught off guard, her cover blown. She felt the need to lie, to deny, but somehow it didn't seem like an option and she wasn't sure she even wanted to.

'Yeah, yeah it was.' Addison admitted, feeling a huge weight suddenly lift off her shoulders as she enveloped the young girl's hand in hers and they sat there for what seemed like hours offering silent comfort to each other.

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**AN: Rave, rant and REVIEW! Hope you all enjoyed it! Till the next chapter…  **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: Please see first chapter… **

**AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH all my reviewers! You physically rock my socks. Your reviews are not only so positive but so thoughtful as well. It really means a lot. I know this story is quite depressing at times, so I tried to make this chapter a mix between light and heavy. I'm working on another Addex story that I hope to post in two weeks that is the complete opposite of this one. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and again THANK YOU! -x- **

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Addison had been doing surprisingly well over the last few weeks. Ever since her conversation with Kayla, she had found new strength and new hope and was determined she was going to start re-building her life. Not only because of what had happened in the park, but her life had been in shambles way before then. She decided moving out of the hotel and into an apartment would be the first step. She had only got as far as pouring over advertisements in the paper, but hey- it was a start. 

Addison had felt more tired than ever lately and she couldn't quite pinpoint why. The sleep medication she'd been taking usually knocked her out cold, and even if artificially induced- at least she was sleeping again.

She was on the way to her office when she was intercepted by Karev, who, although she would never admit it, had acted as the biggest accelerator on her mood.

'Dr. Montgomery.' He couldn't conceal the mischievous smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

'Dr. Karev.' She tried to be blasé, but could feel the heat rise traiterously on her cheeks and her heart rate speed up at an alarming rate. She felt dizzy again, something that seemed to happen a lot lately, especially in his presence. She swayed slightly and reached out for the wall but missed.

'Whoa there!' Alex acted quickly as he scooped her into his arms before she lost balance completely.

She clutched his back and she could feel his breath as ragged as hers on her neck.

'Are you ok? You had me worried there for a second.' Alex still had her in a strong and protective grip, not wanting to let her go. He told himself it was because she still needed the support.

'Yeah, I'm fine, I'm OK. I just need to sit down that's all.'

She unlocked the door to her office and collapsed on the soft couch. It had been the first alteration she had made to the office when it became hers. As a surgeon, she knew never to underestimate the value of a comfortable couch. God knows she spent more time on that thing than an actual bed.

She sat down and suddenly clutched her stomach when she felt it constrict.

Alex looked at her concerned. 'Are you sure you're ok?'

'Yeah, I just need to eat something. All the surgeries today, I really haven't had any time to but I will in a minute.'

The ball of pain in her stomach contracted suddenly yet again, as though an iron fist had been driven deep into the area below her pelvis, and this time Addison groaned loudly.

'Ok, I'm getting you something to eat now.'

Addison only nodded, unable to protest as she massaged her abdomen and got off the couch to find some pain killers. She was running a list of possible illnesses through her mind. Was she getting sick? She really hoped not. Addison Forbes Montgomery was never sick and she was not about to start.

She swallowed some aspirin with a replenishing sip from the water bottle she always kept on her desk and allowed herself to fall back down onto the couch. She felt her body sink into the cushiony material and it truly felt like bliss. She closed her eyes and was ready for sleep to claim her when someone burst through the door.

'I didn't know what you'd want, but you usually get the chicken salad so I got that and the one with tuna. Of course, I know you don't usually have dessert, but when you do it's usually the chocolate pudding or sometimes the jello, so I got those too and then I got you a smoothie and I didn't think you'd need any caffeine in your system since you were dizzy so I just got you some water to wash it all down.' He finished his long winded rant and breathlessly flopped down on to a small space on the couch by Addison's feet.

She had first been annoyed at the interruption, then absolutely horrified at the amount of food he had brought back, then slightly creeped out by his knowledge of her food preferences, then surprisingly touched that he knew these things, then highly amused at his seriousness.

He must have taken her look of amusement to mean something else because upon seeing her face, he launched into yet another speech.

'If it's wrong, then I'll go get something else. I know I shouldn't have assumed. Stupid-' He muttered to himself as he got off the couch to head back to the cafeteria. Her hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks.

'No- it's perfect actually. Thank you.'

'Really?' A wide smile spread over his face with delight that he had managed to get it right.

'Well, what would you like first.'

'The chicken salad and the smoothie please.'

He handed the items over and stared at her intently.

'What?' Addison asked, her insecurities becoming apparent to him.

'Nothing.' Alex looked away quickly and flushed, embarrassed that he had been caught staring. It was just that she looked so incredibly gorgeous lying there on the couch. Her fiery red hair and blood red lips contrasted with the cream material of the small sofa and it made her look stunning. Her simple white shirt matched her porcelain complexion perfectly. The small red tinge that now occupied her cheeks and the way she had her eyes closed when he had entered, made her look like snow white- just a thousand times more beautiful.

'Do you want anything? There really is no way I'm going to finish all of this you know.' Addison interrupted his thoughts as she handed him the tuna salad.

'Nah, it's ok, I don't really like fish.'

'What you don't? What about sushi?' Addison's shock at this revelation amused him.

'_Especially_ that. Raw fish, eugh- nothing more than glorified cat food if you ask me.'

'We'll have to do something about that.' She replied, half joking, half serious.

'Will we now? And how do you plan bringing that about.'

'I know this amazing fish restaurant by the docks. The sushi would blow your mind. Just wait till I take you.' It slipped out before she could process what she had just said.

'Are you asking me out.' Alex looked at her amused, though he'd never admit, his heart palpitating like crazy.

'What, no!' She tried to sound indignant. Most of all, she just wanted to change the subject.

'But you just said-' He wasn't gonna let this go.

'I didn't mean it like that. I mean if _you_ ever went. Alone, by yourself.' Addison tried to come up with some excuse but was failing miserably.

'You did too.' He teased her.

'Did not.' She sounded like a little girl and she was painfully aware of it.

'Did too.' He mimicked. Consumed by the playful atmosphere he started tickling her sides without warning.

'Say it, you did too.' His grin did all but split his face in two.

Addison screamed and through her short breathless bursts of laughter and her frantic hand swatting movement at his arms, she managed to choke out, 'never!'

'Karev, I swear, if you do not stop this instant I will-'

'You will what?' He couldn't keep the smile of his face, into the game like a little boy and furiously started tickeling her again.

Addison squealed with delight and only frowned when the cramping started again.

Alex immediately let go, concern etched on his face.

He slid off the couch and knelt in front of it, rubbing circles on her abdomen. 'Just breathe,' he expertly coached her and she couldn't help but silently congratulate herself. She had taught him well. He brought his hand up to her face and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

'It's ok. I'm here.' He whispered in her ear as he brought his face down next to her. 'Just relax.'

Addison felt the pain slowly ebb away. As the pain left her, her senses came flooding back. With Alex almost cradling her head, she needed to loose proximity before she did something stupid.

'Alex, it's ok, I just need to eat.' She effectively diffused the tension.

'Ok then. But give me some space you're hogging the couch.' He nudged her playfully.

Addison put on a face of mock indignation. 'So this is how you speak to your attendings? No wonder I was the one that got stuck with you.'

'Please, I think we crossed that line long ago. Might I remind you that _you_ chose _me_?'

'Alex I-'

'But that doesn't make me respect you any less. If you want me to leave I will.' Alex had learnt his lesson from the NICU.

She didn't say anything but simply sat up and made space for him.

'Here take this.' She held out her untouched chicken salad.

'No- that's yours.'

'I don't mind either way. Just take it. I will have the tuna.'

'But- '

'No 'buts,' I'm your attending remember?'

'How do you know what I like to eat anyways?' Addison questioned, genuinely interested.

'I watch you.' Alex realized how extremely creepy-stalker that sounded. 'Ok, not like watch you watch you, but I-'

'It's ok, I was just teasing.' Inside though, she was secretly giddy with delight.

'I notice. What you do- I notice. I notice you.' The mood immediately shifted. Addison looked at him, unsure of how to respond.

'Can you really blame me? Someone who looks like that, you should be used to people admiring you from afar.' Alex said to lighten the mood, but he was serious in what he said.

Addison stared back at him, half melted inside, half trying to keep her feelings professional.

'Or maybe, admiring you from not so far away.' He slid closer. He didn't know exactly _what_ they were, but the locker room had somehow confirmed that it was ok for him to do this. All their interactions after it had indicated so. Tough they never talked about how it had ended, it had brought them closer.

He placed both hands on either side of her and she leant back on the arm rest. Now elevated a bit above her he bent his head down and captured her lips in a soft kiss. They were plump, moist and every bit as delicious as they looked. Their lips were meshed softly together and he continued kissing her, pressing one kiss on her lips after another. They were slow, intimate and affectionate, but passionate none the less.

They kissed for a few minutes, comfortable- like they'd been doing this forever.

'You're beautiful you know that?' He said as drew back slightly before he could stop himself. It felt so natural, saying things like that to her- so easy. Alex looked at her and was amazed to see the disbelief in her eyes.

'What- you are. Don't look at me like that.' He had seen that look before when she had received compliments. She was beautiful. The tragedy being she never saw it, never believed it. Derek and Mark had done that to her.

She gazed back at him and this time she propped herself up on her elbows and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

'Thank you. Thank you for trying.' She could almost believe him.

His pager sounded just then. Sloan. What could he possibly want?

'Damn, that guy is a constant pain in my ass.'

'Sloan?'

'How could you guess?' He said without a trace of humour. 'I suppose that means you get your salad.'

'I guess it does. That's what you get for tickling me.'

'Oh you've seen nothing yet. You just wait.' He tried to sound threatening but failed miserably.

'Oh, I'm scared.' She couldn't believe how he had reduced her to a six year old in less than half an hour.

'You should be.' Alex smiled mischievously at her. Before she had time to brace herself Alex had pounced and was tickling her again.

'Alex please!'

'You should thank Sloan for getting you out of this one.'

'Oh, don't you worry. I will.' Though she had no intention of speaking to him any time soon.

'Bye gorgeous.' Before she had time to process what he had just said, he placed another tender kiss on her lips and walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Addison could physically feel her heart swell as she watched him leave. The tuna salad lay scattered on the floor after his latest assault. She had planned on saving the chicken for him but she needed to eat.

She picked up the other salad and brought the dressing covered chicken to her mouth and immediately felt sick. She scrambled over to the trash can in her office and was sick.

The feeling of coldness that washed over Addison when she was done had nothing to do with throwing up. Piecing her symptoms together in her mind, it didn't exactly take a world renowned OB/GYN to tell her what was exactly was the matter with her. On the contrary, she should have realized sooner.

She refused to believe it. Numb, she collected herself and walked out of the office to retrieve the test she really had no need for. She walked like a zombie through the halls and to the attending restrooms. She locked herself into a stall and waited.

- - - - - -

Minutes later- minutes that stretched into an infinity, she gathered the courage to look down at the flimsy stick pinned between her index and her thumb. She observed the thin line's progress in numb disbelief. As one life began, another abruptly came to an end.

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**AN: Rave, rant or REVIEW! As always, hope you guys liked it. Till next chapter…**


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